


Birthday Present, Birthday Past

by JustAnotherBlonde



Series: A Lifetime of Moments [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Art School, Alternate Universe - College/University, Birthday, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Oral Sex, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:41:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26268145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherBlonde/pseuds/JustAnotherBlonde
Summary: It's Deidara's birthday, but Sasori is finding it hard to focus on the present given his memories of birthdays past
Relationships: Deidara/Sasori (Naruto), Orochimaru/Sasori (Naruto)
Series: A Lifetime of Moments [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878778
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	1. At the Pub

**Author's Note:**

> this is where the story starts to get a little darker as we delve into Sasori's past and previous partner. i'd like to know what you think about how i handled it, so please leave a comment! chapter 1 is pretty lighthearted tho...

“I’m giving you a blow job for your birthday,” Sasori whispered into Deidara’s ear.

Deidara swung around so quickly he almost flipped the tray of shot glasses straight out of Sasori’s hands, but Sasori reacted with scorpion-quick reflexes.

Laughter rippled around the pushed-together tables. Everyone from the climbing club, along with a couple of Deidara’s classmates, had gathered at the pub to celebrate Deidara’s birthday. Tobi, who had been sitting close enough to hear what Sasori had whispered, slapped Deidara on the back and said,

“Don’t get so excited, _senpai_ —”

—but he was unable to continue due to the wind being knocked out of him by Deidara’s elbow.

“It’s my fucking birthday, Tobi! For once, stop calling me _senpai_! We’re both freshmen, we’re studying the same major, and me being older than you has nothing to do with anything, mn.”

“Tobi,” Itachi added, sipping his pint, “you’re an idiot.”

“And you!” Deidara turned on Itachi. “I don’t even know why you’re here. I don’t recall inviting you, mn.”

Konan giggled. “But he gave you the present you liked the most, Deidara-san.”

“He did what now?” Deidara spun on her. She and Yahiko were sitting so close together they could have been sharing a seat. Yahiko looked at her lovingly as she spoke, this soft expression a curious contrast to all of his piercings.

“The clay. It’s from Itachi,” she explained, tucking a strand of purple hair behind her ear.

Deidara glared at Itachi. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you for making me look like a fool,” he said. “Next time we’re all out on the Teeth I’ll top that climb and it will be _beautiful_ , mn.”

Itachi shrugged. “Whatever you say, Deidara-san,” he said calmly. He looked up at Sasori, who still stood at Deidara’s shoulder. “I think Sasori has something for you.”

“Your ‘blow job’,” Sasori said, setting a tall shot glass dripping with whipped cream in front of the birthday boy. His hand shook ever so slightly as he set it down, but the only one who saw was Itachi. He gave Sasori a questioning look, but Sasori had already turned his back on the table.

Sasori held the tray of shot glasses with trembling hands, staring into the rippling liquid. The bantering voices behind him seemed so far away. _Why am I remembering this now?_ he thought. _It’s nothing like that night… That birthday so long ago…_ He drew a shuddering inhale and pushed the memory from his mind. _Tonight is for Deidara. Pull it together._

He turned and tuned back in to the conversation.

“You have to drink it without using your hands, Deidara,” Z was saying in that voice of his that sounded like a volcano erupting in darkest night. He reached out an ebony hand to take two tequila shots from Sasori, passing the second one to his twin, Black.

Black and Z, part of the same 3D Design cohort as Deidara, were one of those rare sets of twins: identical in every way except race. Black was pale like their Swedish mother, while Z took after their Nigerian father. Neither “Black” nor “White” (what their parents jokingly called them) were their given names, but while “Black” liked the irony, Z preferred to take his nickname from their surname, Zetsu.

Deidara looked around the table, counting faces. “Before I do this, where are Hidan and Nagato? Yahiko, were they still at the studio when you left?”

“It was my day off,” Yahiko replied. “But I reckon they’re on their way, we close at 8.”

“How’s business going, Yahiko?” Sasori asked as he passed the last tequila to Kisame. In this crowd of artists, Kisame was the odd one out: he had majored in hydro-engineering and was currently employed by the city. But he had befriended Itachi in their freshmen year and ended up defecting to Dawn Climbers from the main climbing club.

“Not bad,” Yahiko replied. “It’s way more mainstream to get tats and piercings now, so there’s no end of clients. I just wish Hidan would develop more of an aesthetic… He’d pull in more return customers if he had a better eye for design.”

“I think he’s happy tattooing skulls and butterflies on hot moms,” Konan commented with a smirk. “He likes to hear them shriek.”

“He did his face tattoos himself, right?” Deidara said with a gulp. “He’s such a sick weir—”

“Oi asshole!” Hidan shouted from the pub door. Nagato was just behind him, holding a large box. Nagato’s red hair hung over his eyes as usual, but he was smiling.

Hidan, with tattoos around his neck, eyes, and forehead and slicked back silver hair, looked somewhat like an animated skeleton. Every inch of his body that he could reach was tattooed with bone-like line designs, thick and black. He was currently in the process of convincing Yahiko to tattoo the places he couldn’t reach by himself.

Hidan stormed over to the tables and pointed at Deidara.

“I heard that, you bastard! I’ll kick your skinny little ass!” He always came in raging. Then he smiled: “Happy birthday, punk.”

“Thanks, Hidan, mn,” Deidara grinned back. “What did you bring me?”

“Fucking greedy little bastard for someone who’s lucky to be alive after all the stunts you pull. Almost burned down the hostel last weekend with—whadja call it?—Tobi’s Exploding Meatball. What are you, 18? 19?”

“Twenty-four, thank you very much, mn,” Deidara retorted.

“Amazing!” Hidan exclaimed. “Who’d have thought. Don’t worry, still plenty of time to die in your prime. This should help. Nagato!”

Nagato set the box he was carrying down on the table in front of Deidara, careful not to knock over the ‘blow job.’

“A present from Pain Studio,” Nagato said with a grin. “We’ll probably be arrested if you open it in here though, so please wait until you get it back to wherever it is that you hide your other explosives.”

“YES!” Deidara exclaimed. He leapt up and hugged Nagato. Hidan preferred to grip forearms. “Thanks, guys, mn.” As he sat back down, he stuck his tongue out at Konan and Itachi across the table.

“Everyone’s here, right?” Sasori said, standing as Nagato and Hidan took their seats. Nagato slid past Black and Z to sit next to Itachi, while Hidan took the empty seat next to Yahiko.

“Did you invite Professor Kakuzu?” Black asked in a dreamy voice. He was always a little out of it.

“Black, we already told you: the Penny-pincher is working tonight, mn,” Deidara huffed. “I can’t remember if he said he’s teaching night classes or doing a gallery event, but anyway making money is more important to that old fart than giving me birthday presents.”

“Sasori, are you gonna give this kid his blow job or not?” Kisame growled. “The cream’s all melted.”

“Blow job? Cream?!” Hidan looked very confused until Yahiko pointed out the shot glass. “Oh, right, one of those little fuckers.” He looked up at Deidara. “I’ll give you a fresh one after Sasori’s, eh, asshole?”

“Ooh, I’d love a blow from the manly Hidan, mn,” Deidara smirked back. “Then who’s next in line?”

Everyone laughed, and without further ado, Deidara pulled his hands behind his back, wrapped his lips around the rim of the glass, and tilting his head back, swallowed.


	2. At the Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> explanation about use of Japanese and「...」 marks in end notes

“You’re leaving so soon? mmnn,” Deidara whined, clutching at Hidan’s arm.

“Get off me,” he grumbled, looking unhappy. “I don’t want to go but—”

“But this is what happens when you’re whipped!” Tobi joked.

“Jessie probably does have a whip,” Kisame mused, grinning with his strangely pointed teeth.

Z leaned forward: “He’s only pretending to be sad to go. None of us can give him what Jessie’s got waiting.”

Laughter rippled around the black, mirror-like table strewn with empty shot glasses. In the hours that had passed since Deidara’s first ‘blow job’, they had moved from the brightly lit pub to a cocktail bar deeper in the city centre. It was a dark and shiny place, filled with neon lights and pumping electronic beats. The eleven of them had crowded into a large curved sofa at the back.

“Bye, assholes,” Hidan said with a wave.

Black and Z stood next. “We’ve got to get going too, Deidara,” Z rumbled.

“We can take your presents back to the warehouse on our way,” Black added.

“Mm,” Deidara assented, tossing Z the key. “I trust you guys not to touch anything.”

“We won’t,” they said simultaneously. Z piled the boxes into Black’s arms and they faded into the crowd.

Deidara slammed his hands onto the table.

“Where to next, my friends? Mn,” he grinned.

“You’re the birthday boy, it’s up to you,” Konan replied sweetly.

“Hm… I need to think… mn.” Deidara looked over at Sasori, who was deep in conversation with Itachi. A dart of annoyance stabbed at Deidara’s chest. _What…?_

“I need to finish this drink first,” Tobi said, holding up a fresh Long Island iced tea.

“And I need to piss,” Kisame said. “Meet you outside.”

Everyone stood except Sasori and Itachi, who both looked around, surprised.

“What’s going on?” Sasori asked, looking up at Deidara.

“We’re moving on, Sasori-danna, mn,” Deidara said shortly. He spun on his heel and headed out into the warm night. Outside, he paused at the entrance to an alley beside the club.

His head was spinning from everything he’d consumed. He tried counting: _‘blow job’, ‘blow job’, tequila, tequila, two lagers… No, three? What did I drink just now? Passionfruit martini… how many… and there was definitely more tequila… mn._

“Where to?” Sasori asked when he caught up with Deidara. Deidara turned, vision swimming. Behind Sasori everyone else was emerging from the club’s entrance.

Deidara replied, “I was thinking about the Snake Den, but I’m not sure—”

“No.” Sasori grabbed Deidara’s wrist, squeezing it tightly. “We can’t go there.”

“What? Why not?” He looked into Sasori’s eyes, startled to discover them full of fear. He tried to take back his wrist but Sasori just squeezed him harder. “What’s the matter, mn?”

“It’s… it’s _him_. The man I told you about. He’ll be there.”

“Who?” Deidara couldn’t think straight. “Who, your ex? Who is he, anyway? Mn.”

“He’s… His name is…” Sasori looked around. The others were gathering around them. Deidara could barely make out who was who in the dark.

“Let’s just go anyway,” Deidara said, waving his hand carelessly. “It’s huge. If you run into him, we can just leave, mn.”

“No.” Sasori was firm.

Itachi stepped forward. “Go where?” he asked.

“Snake Den,” Deidara spat.

“No.” Itachi’s tone was identical to Sasori’s, if not more ominous.

“What? Why not?” Deidara couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I… I told you,” Sasori replied. “It’s complicated. O… he… That man… he’ll be there.”

“How do you know?!”

“He just will! Oro—that man… is…” Sasori released Deidara’s wrist and spun away, the alley gravel scraping beneath his feet. He gripped his head in his hands.

“He’s what? Why can’t you just tell me?” Deidara exclaimed. “Why is it so hard for you to say his name?! Mn!”

“Look, I don’t understand why you’re bringing this up this right now!” Sasori shot back. He was trying to keep his voice and emotions under control but he was fighting to hide his distress. His fists were clenched and he was shaking. Deidara chose to ignore what he saw.

“Because I want to know why we can’t go to the Snake Den! I’ve been there loads of times since I got to uni, and it’s always a good time! Why won’t you go? How can you be so certain that he’ll be there?!”

Nagato stepped forward. “Deidara, I think you’d better calm down—”

Deidara shoved him back. “No! This is stupid! I want to know—”

“His name is Orochimaru,” Itachi said quietly. “And he owns the Snake Den.”

Looking from face to face, Deidara realized that this was a revelation to approximately no one.

“What, so all of you knew? All of you except me?” Deidara glared angrily at Sasori, but Sasori would not meet his gaze. He had wrapped his arms tightly around himself and backed up against the wall of the building.

“We’ve known Sasori since he started teaching, Deidara,” Nagato explained, looking to Yahiko and Itachi. “We were there when Sasori—”

“No!” Sasori broke in, leaping forward. He spun, setting himself in front of Deidara facing Nagato and Itachi. “You can’t tell him—”

It was Itachi’s turn to spring forward. He gripped Sasori by the collar and pulled his face close. 「What the hell are you doing?」 he whispered in Japanese, searching Sasori’s eyes. 「You _have to_ tell him. He has a right to know.」 He released Sasori, who staggered backwards.

「I will,」 Sasori said in a small voice, replying only to Itachi. He couldn’t look Itachi in the eye.

Itachi softened. He stepped forward again and placed a firm hand on Sasori’s shoulder. 「I can tell him, if you want me to,」 he said softly.

Deidara’s body flared with anger. _What is he saying?? What is there between them?!_ he thought angrily. Sasori nodded slowly at Itachi, granting permission—although Deidara didn’t know what for. _I always thought it was suspicious how well they get on!_ Deidara opened his mouth—

“Deidara,” Itachi said. “Orochimaru drove Sasori to try to kill himself.”

Konan gasped.

“Try to…” Words failed Deidara. He stepped back, away from Sasori and Itachi, then stepped forward, reaching out his hand. “I’m… I’m sorry, mn.” He bowed his head, trying to catch Sasori’s eye. “Sasori?”

Sasori looked up, eyes full of pain and sadness. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. “I didn’t want to bring this up on your birthday. I just wanted everyone to have a good time.” He looked around at everyone gathered there, from Konan clutching Yahiko’s arm, Tobi and Kisame hanging back, looking uncomfortable and halfway ready to leave, to Nagato with his gentle eyes peering out from his fringe and Itachi, inscrutable as always. _I’ve fucked it up_ , he thought. _I’ve ruined everything. It’s over._

So he was surprised when, in the next moment, Deidara was gripping his elbows and Itachi was pressing a hand to his shoulder.

“Let’s just go home, mn,” Deidara whispered. Sasori nodded.

Deidara stepped back and addressed the others:

“I changed my mind: I’m tired. If you guys wanna keep partying, pour one out for me, mn?”

“Okay, Deidara-se—” Tobi’s reply was cut short by Kisame’s elbow connecting with his diaphragm.

“Bye then,” Konan said softly. Yahiko nodded his farewell and wrapped his arm around Konan’s waist as they turned to leave.

“Happy birthday,” Kisame grunted, clapping a hand to Deidara’s shoulder.

They disappeared into the night until it was just Deidara, Sasori and Itachi.

Sasori looked from Deidara to Itachi and rubbed his upper arm, looking ashamed and vulnerable.

“I’m s—”

“Don’t, mn,” Deidara cut in. His sympathy had dried up and he looked angry again.

“Deidara… Itachi,” Sasori said, looking at each as he addressed them, “if it’s all the same to you, maybe we could go somewhere quiet for one more drink.”

「【砂時計】に行きましょうか」(Sunadokei ni ikimashou ka) Itachi said.

“I heard him say Sunadokei, mn,” Deidara grumbled.

“It’s a good suggestion. It’ll be quiet,” Sasori replied. 「行こうよ」(Ikou yo)

“Stop!” Deidara complained. “You two aren’t allowed to speak Japanese, mn.”

Itachi led the way down the street. Sasori grabbed Deidara’s hand and pulled him along.

“I’m not ready to go home tonight… not while I’m still thinking about him: Oro…chimaru,” Sasori said as they walked. It was a struggle for him to utter that name. He squeezed his eyes shut. “There’s something I want to tell you about.”

“So why does Itachi have to come? Mn,” Deidara’s eye was burning a hole in Itachi’s back.

Sasori sighed. “Itachi is my closest friend, Deidara. He was… he was the one who found me and took me to the hospital. I would have died…”

Deidara squeezed Sasori’s hand. “I’m sorry, mn,” he winced and shook his head, trying to clear it of all those birthday shots. The streets were strangely busy for this time of night, but it was a weekend. They followed closely on Itachi’s heels as he crossed the square and made for a narrow side street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i use the marks 「...」to indicate that the speakers are using Japanese. i use English inside the marks if the POV character understands it (Sas), and actual Japanese when the POV character (Dei) does not understand, but i think it's a little sloppy how i swap POV... feel free to critique!


	3. At Sunadokei (1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i use 19XX instead of a specific year because this story is set slightly into the future but it doesn't need to be specified exactly how far.
> 
> same note for using 「...」to mark Japanese speech as last chapter. if you noticed any problems with the Japanese please let me know!!

They turned into a hostel entrance, its doors propped open, and slipped through the darkened lobby. On the other side of the narrow hall, they took a left and passed through a corridor. The last door on the left had a small golden plaque beside it showing an hourglass which read:

砂時計

ウイスキー俱楽部

(Sunadokei)

(Wuisukii Kurabu)

There were no lights on in the corridor to indicate that this was an open drinking establishment, but Itachi turned the brass doorknob anyway. Deidara had been here only once before with Tobi. It was an authentic Japanese speakeasy in every definition of the word: hidden, never advertised, serving only the finest (most expensive) whiskies.

Inside was dark and quiet. Itachi nodded at the bartender, then led Sasori and Deidara over to a booth on the right. Peering through the darkness, Deidara only spied guests at two other tables. Deidara slid into the booth first, and Sasori sat beside him, Itachi taking the opposite side.

The bartender appeared at their table. She was blond, but looked at least half Asian, especially in the eyes. Her hair was pulled into four bunches.

“Temari-san,” Itachi greeted. 「お久しぶりだなあ。」(Ohisashiburi da naa)

「イタチさん、こんばんは。お久しぶりです、」(Itachi-san, konbanwa. Ohisashiburi desu) she replied with a smile. Her voice was deep for a woman’s, but full of a happy confidence. Up close, Deidara saw that her irises were naturally teal, an interesting look.

Sasori spoke next:「手鞠さん、こんばんは。勘九郎さんはどこですか？」(Temari-san, konbanwa. Kankurō wa doko desu ka?)

Her face broke into a huge grin when she noticed Sasori.「え、蠍旦那ですか？本当にお久しぶりです！」 (Eh, Sasori-danna desu ka? Honto ni ohisashiburi desu!)

“Alright, enough!” Deidara exclaimed. “You better not be talking about me, mn!”

“Oh, sorry,” Temari laughed. Her teal gaze fell on Deidara. “I just assumed you were another Japanese friend.”

“Why would you assume that?” Deidara grumbled. “I don’t look—” He cut himself off, scanning Temari’s blond hair and blue eyes again. “Whatever, mn.”

She laughed once more. “Well, I already know what Sasori-danna and Itachi-san want. What can I get you…?”

“This is Deidara,” Sasori introduced. He placed a hand on Deidara’s knee as he said it, and Temari noticed. She smiled. “It’s his birthday today,” Sasori added.

“Oh!” Temari said, tapping the side of her nose. “Well, in that case I know exactly what he needs. I’ll be right back with your drinks.” She turned away, and then turned back. “And to answer your question, Sasori-danna, Kankurō’s gone back to Japan for a bit to take care of our little brother.”

“Is he alright?” Sasori replied, looking concerned. “I remember when Gaara came to visit a few years ago… He was a frail-looking kid.”

Temari waved her hand dismissively. “He’s not sick or anything, just stressed out about his exams. Last year of high school is rough for anyone, but he’s just so driven. He can be a bit too much for _Ot_ _ōsan_ to handle.”

Sasori smiled. “Glad he’s alright.”

“We’ll see…” Temari replied over her shoulder.

Sasori turned to Deidara. “Temari and Kankurō are old friends,” he explained. “Kankurō was one of my best students, but he’s better at manipulating puppets than actually creating them. Temari opened Sunadokei about five, six years ago after she finished her business degree.”

“Kankurō was the year below me,” Itachi added. “There’ve been a bunch of full and mixed Japanese kids in your groups over the years, Sasori.”

“Yeah… I can never remember if it was you or Kankurō who started the ‘Sasori-danna’ thing…”

Deidara smirked. “And who started calling you ‘Scorpion’? I know you’re a Scorpio and you’re stealthier than a ninja but…”

Itachi laughed. “You know that his name _means_ ‘scorpion’, right? ‘Sasori’?” He scratched his fingernail into the table’s varnish, etching out the character 蠍. “It was actually Professor Sage who started that when Sas was an undergrad.”

Deidara lifted an eyebrow at Itachi’s shortening of “Sasori” to “Sas”. He wasn’t going to forget how much he hated Mr. Perfect just because it turned out that he was Sasori’s best friend and lifesaver.

“So.” He turned to Sasori and looked at him meaningfully.

“Wait till Temari-san comes back with the drinks,” he replied quietly. His hand still rested on Deidara’s knee, which he squeezed.

They fell into what Deidara felt was an awkward silence until Temari reappeared.

She placed a crystal-bright glass of amber whisky in front of each of them. Itachi’s held a perfectly spherical piece of ice, while Sasori’s and Deidara’s were plain. She set an extra cup of ice cubes next to Deidara’s glass.

“Let me know if you need anything else,” she said with a smile.

“Thanks,” Itachi replied. She bowed her head and returned to the bar.

Sasori sipped his whisky, drew a deep breath and began.

“I came to university when I was seventeen. I was fresh out of the mad house, confident and for the first time, totally independent: away from home and carers for the first time in my life. I discovered alcohol, and nightclubs and… boys. My grandmother was so angry when she found out I’d spent all of my allowance in less than a month. She cut me off and told me to focus on my studies. I responded by looking for part-time work. That was what brought me to the Snake Den.

“I’d been drinking there with friends, and loved it. I know why you like it, why any of us ever liked going there. Orochimaru-sama—shit—” Sasori grit his teeth, “ _Orochimaru_ made it into the best gay night club in the city.”

“He was famous for his… promiscuity. Everyone knew it. Everyone saw it. He didn’t discriminate, although we all knew what his favorite type was…”

Deidara looked up from his drink, searching Sasori’s eyes. Sasori sighed, but it was Itachi who responded:

“His type is exactly what Sasori was when he walked into the bar that night looking for a job,” he said, eyes closed, elbows on the table, hands in front of his mouth. “Exactly what I was when he started chasing me in my freshman year.”

“What, seventeen-year-old boys?” Deidara blurted. His eye grew wide as realization struck. “Oh… no… mn.”

“Yes,” Sasori affirmed. “But he was careful. He was running from his past when he turned up in this town.”

“So…?”

“So he waits until they turn eighteen,” Itachi answered, the ice in his glass rattling softly as he swirled it around.

Silence fell.

Sasori exhaled. “But I would be lying if I said I knew was abuse from the very start. It was more complicated… I didn’t know any better. I… God, I’ve told this to how many therapists?” he muttered to himself.

_He was seventeen again, staring across the bar at the man working behind it. Sasori was mesmerized. The man had fine, waist-length black hair that shone. It swayed with him as he moved, graceful as a dancer—no, a snake—as he pulled down bottles and poured drinks. Every movement was fluid and perfect. He smiled as he worked, like he knew a secret. Very little of his skin was exposed, but what Sasori could see—hands, face—was milky pale, accentuated by the purple eye shadow which extended down either side of the bridge of the man’s nose._

Orochimaru… _Sasori thought. He knew he was on Orochimaru’s radar. Last week nearly every one of his drinks had been on the house. Lucky, because he’d already spent every last penny of_ obāsan _’s money. He pinched the folded up piece of A-4 in his pocket._ He won’t say no, _he thought._

_Seating himself on a bar stool, he waited for Orochimaru to finish serving the group of drag queens who’d just arrived. It was already after two—they must have just finished their show next door. While he waited, Sasori stared at himself in the mirror behind the bar. His red hair was spiked and styled, nothing too overdone, just a bit of product to give it body without losing its bright color. He’d applied_ _eyeliner and mascara to accentuate his naturally long lashes, with a bit of blush on his cheekbones, which had the effect (he thought) of making him look a little older and a little bit more like David Bowie. Beneath his leather jacket he wore a mesh top and strings of silver chains around his neck. He’d put a fresh coat of black nail polish on before he left the dormitory, prompting his roommate to call him ‘gay’ again._

_「Sasori-kun,_ _」_ _Orochimaru purred when he finally noticed him. He slid over, leaning across the bar. His tongue flicked across his lips._ _「What can I get you tonight, darling?_ _」_

_「_ _Orochimaru-sama,_ _」_ _Sasori greeted, leaning in and peering out from beneath his lashes._ _「I was wondering if you could get me a job._ _」_

_「Oh? What kind of job?_ _」_

_「Are you hiring?_ _」_

_Orochimaru’s eyes lit up and his mouth spread into a wide, hungry grin._

_「It just so happens…_ _」_ _he replied. His eyes flashed._ _「You can start by helping me close tonight, hm?_ _」_

_「What about hours and pay?_ _」 Sasori shot back._ I won’t let him take advantage of me!

_「Fifteen an hour, as many hours as you can spare,_ _」 Orochimaru returned._ _「How does that sound?_ _」_

_Sasori’s eyes widened. It was much more than he’d expected._ Fuck you, obāsan! I won’t need your money if I’m working for Orochimaru-sama! _But he tried to play it cool._

_「My studies and my art come first,_ _」_ _he said._ _「I’m not going to be your slave._ _」_

_Orochimaru’s smile only grew wider._

_「Did you bring a CV?_ _」 Orochimaru asked._ _「I would like an idea of your… skill set._ _」_

_Sasori nodded and pulled the sheet of A-4 out of his pocket. He carefully unfolded it and smoothed it on the counter. The work experience and skills sections were sparse, but he had at least provided his educational background—swapping the word ‘sanatorium’ for ‘high school.’ Orochimaru took it from him. He held it out to read, pinching it at the bottom between two fingers and thumb. His eyes flitted across the page until he found what he was looking for._

_「Interesting…_ _」 Orochimaru commented, eyes flicking upward to study Sasori._ _「I’d assumed you’d lived in Japan for longer… Your Japanese is so fluent._ _」_ _He looked down at the paper again._ _「Born in 19XX? November…_ _」_

“Wait, you were speaking Japanese? Is he Japanese, too? Mn,” Deidara interrupted. He was slumped over the table, resting his head on a folded arm. His mind felt fuzzy from the alcohol. Sasori had taken his hand off Deidara’s knee at the beginning of his story.

“That’s right,” Sasori replied. He knocked back his drink and signaled to Temari that they wanted another round. “People tend to band together when they find themselves living in a foreign place…”

“Wait, another question, mn,” Deidara continued as something Sasori just said registered in his brain. “Sasori-danna, did you just say you were born in _19XX?_ How old are you?”

“Do the math,” Sasori shrugged.

“Danna, I can’t do math right now,” Deidara retorted. “Just tell me. I have no idea how old you are, mn.”

Itachi sat up, eyes bright. “You don’t?” He looked at Sasori. “You never told him how old you are?” He laughed and looked back at Deidara. “How old do you think he is?”

“I don’t know… twenty-seven? Tobi said he was your teaching assistant… That’s how he knew all about the ‘Scorpion’ and ‘danna’ stuff… But you’re my age, right? Mn.”

Itachi laughed again as Temari appeared with their drinks. He thanked her before saying, “I’m twenty-seven. Sasori is thirty-five.”

“WHAT!” Deidara exclaimed, causing Temari to turn around. “He’s THIRTY-FIVE?! YOU’RE THIRTY-five…” He lowered his voice at the last moment when he saw that Temari was laughing silently. She turned back to the bar without a word.

Deidara turned in his seat to scrutinize Sasori, searching for crow’s feet or other signs of aging. He thought of the reading glasses and the moisturizer, but was still baffled. _I could have sworn he was still in his twenties…_ _mn._

“Unbelievable, mn.”

“We’re convinced he’s discovered the source of the fountain of youth and just refuses to tell us,” Itachi said, grinning.

“There’s no secret, Itachi-san,” Sasori replied, a little smile playing on his lips. “Just good genes and good habits.”

“So what happened after you started working for Orochimaru? Mn,” Deidara asked. His head was muddled with alcohol and disconnected strings of thought. He slumped back down over the table and gazed up at Sasori.

Sasori knocked back his whisky in one swallow. _I have to watch that habit of his,_ _mn,_ Deidara thought.

“It started small,” Sasori continued. “‘Helping’ me lift boxes with a hand on the lower back. Holding onto my forearm while he explained the work rota. Offering back massages after a particularly grueling shift… And I loved it. I flirted right back. It was exciting, being desired by an older man. Nothing serious. Until my birthday.

“I had my party at the Snake Den. Why not? By then all of my friends were the people I’d met while working there. I remember… I remember it was fun. I remember feeling so confident, like I was on top of the world.

“He watched me all night. When I look back on it, he was clearly the predator and I was the prey, his eyes like a hawk, or a python. It’s that simple. At the time though, it made me feel so powerful. Everything I did that night, I did because he was watching. The way I danced, the boys I kissed, drinking more than I could handle, everything to show off in front of him.

“So, of course, at the end of the night, I stayed until I was the last one. Sometimes I think the people who knew him saw what was happening and helped convince any stragglers that there were other places to carry on partying. Or maybe it was just coincidence. I’ll never know.”

Sasori sighed heavily and looked down at his empty glass. He seemed momentarily confused to find it empty. Without a word Itachi passed Sasori his drink and stood, heading over to the bar. Deidara watched as he placed another order with Temari and waited as she prepared it.

“I think you drink too much, Danna, mn,” Deidara muttered at the table. He’d completely slumped over by now, both arms folded. His chin rested on one hand while the other played with his half-full glass. He swilled the ice around. He didn’t really like the taste of whisky, and he’d had far too much to drink earlier. His eyelid was beginning to droop.

Itachi returned with two glasses and a half-empty bottle. “She gave us the rest of the bottle, Sas,” he said, but there was something dark and threatening in his voice. He seemed to be saying, _I’m the one pouring_.

Sasori looked down at Deidara, who looked back without changing position, only moving his eye.

“Deidara’s struggling to keep up,” he said. “Maybe we should call it a night.”

This prompted Deidara to haul himself upright. “You haven’t finished your story, Sasori-danna! What happened on your birthday? Mn.”

“Even I’ve never heard this,” Itachi murmured.

He poured both Sasori and himself a generous measure. Preparing to speak, Sasori downed half of his glass.

In response, Deidara snatched the glass from him and tossed back the other half.

“Enough, mn,” Deidara glared, then belatedly made a face as the whisky burned its way down his throat into his stomach. “Eh…” He clutched the glass, keeping it out of Itachi’s reach. For good measure, he pulled all the other glasses to himself, including Itachi’s. Settling back down on the table with folded arms, he resembled a dragon hoarding its treasure.

“The short answer is he took my virginity,” Sasori replied, slurring like the alcohol had loosened his tongue to the point of no return. “The long answer… The long answer I’ve never told anyone. I’ve never told anyone exactly what happened.”


	4. At Sunadokei (2)

_They were alone._

Where did everyone go? _Sasori thought dreamily. He was dimly aware that Orochimaru-sama had just locked the front door, a dull clunk in the back of his mind. At some point someone had turned off the music. He was standing in the middle of the dance floor. Orochimaru was approaching._

_「_ _Just the two of us now, Sasori-kun,_ _」_ _Orochimaru purred. His eyes glinted through his long black fringe._ _「_ _What would you like to do?_ _」_ _His hand extended past Sasori’s cheek, fingers combing through his hair to grip the back of his head. Sasori didn’t need to speak to tell him what he wanted to do:_

_They fell into the kiss at the same time. Sasori hadn’t realized he had been waiting all night for this, but now that it was happening, he knew it was fated from the start._

_Orochimaru’s tongue was in his mouth, playing with his tongue, pressing, exploring. Sasori kissed back hungrily, nipping at Orochimaru’s lips. Orochimaru laughed his low, throaty laugh._

_“Yes,” he hissed._ _「_ _I think it’s time for me to give my beautiful boy his birthday present._ _」_

_Sasori’s body was alight with passion, every nerve ending on fire._ _「_ _Orochimaru-sama,_ _」_ _he sighed. He touched his own flushed cheek._ I’m dreaming…

_「_ _Come,_ _」_ _Orochimaru commanded, indicating Sasori follow him up the stairs. On the second floor, they approached a door Sasori had thought was a closet, but never opened in the months he’d been working there. It was locked—the key hung around Orochimaru’s neck on a long chain which he wore beneath his shirt. He pulled it out now, pinching it between long, thin fingers; he fit it into the lock and twisted._

_The door opened onto a corridor lined with a dozen more doors._

_「_ _This is another part of the business, Sasori-kun,_ _」_ _Orochimaru murmured._ _「_ _I’ll show you everything… in due time._ _」_

_Pulling Sasori inside, he shut the door and pinned Sasori against it, catching his wrists and pressing them to the frame. He pressed his mouth to Sasori’s, again hungrily exploring with his tongue. His lips traveled to Sasori’s neck and shoulder, sucking and biting until Sasori cried out in ecstasy. Sasori grew hard—or harder: he wasn’t sure when he’d started to feel it._

_「_ _Please,_ _」_ _he sighed._ _「_ _Orochimaru-sama…_ _」_

_「_ _Begging already?_ _」_ _Orochimaru sneered._ _「_ _We’ve only just started!_ _」_

_He spun and headed down the corridor to a door at the end, forcing Sasori to chase after him. When he caught up, Orochimaru had already unlocked the door and pushed it open, revealing a room that could only have one purpose, a room that Sasori was about to spend more time exploring than he would spend on his studies. A room that he was always free to leave, but in the beginning, could not tear himself away from._

_In his drunken state that night, the only thing he saw was the bed at the center. He was vaguely aware of straps and glinting metal hanging from the ceiling, anchored to the headboard, but before he could look any more, Orochimaru hooked a finger into Sasori’s belt and pulled him over to the bed. Standing with the bed at his back, Sasori’s eyes followed Orochimaru as he sank to his knees._

_Orochimaru’s movements were slow and deliberate: a serial killer, not a furtive first-time murderer. He undid Sasori’s belt, unzipped his fly, and smoothly pulled Sasori’s trousers and underwear down to the floor._

_「_ _Sit,_ _」_ _Orochimaru commanded._

_Sasori obeyed, and Orochimaru leaned forward, taking Sasori’s cock in his mouth. A shiver of ecstasy traveled up Sasori’s spine; he cried out. Orochimaru’s tongue flicked everywhere, slick and smooth; he took Sasori deep into his mouth, completely to the base and began to build a rhythm, sucking and pulling until Sasori squirmed, ready to come._

_He cried out again, panting for breath. He thrust his hips forward, wanting more, more. Orochimaru grabbed his hips and pushed him backwards on the bed, momentarily releasing Sasori from his mouth._

_「_ _Noisy, Sasori-kun,_ _」_ _he purred, his voice rumbling with a hint of annoyance._ _「_ _Do I need to gag that mouth of yours?_ _」_

_He crawled onto the bed, on top of Sasori and kissed him. Sasori’s hands found Orochimaru’s waistband but Orochimaru caught his wrist._

_「_ _Too hasty, little scorpion,_ _」_ _he murmured._ _「_ _I’m not finished with your birthday present yet._ _」_

_Pushing Sasori so he sat with his back against the headboard, Orochimaru swallowed him once more, working up and down, creating pressure in unexpected places with his fingers, keeping him right on the edge of coming. It seemed like Sasori no longer existed: he floated bodiless in a shimmering net of stars._

*

Tears were flooding down Sasori’s cheeks. His head was bowed, eyes screwed shut, his breath coming in gasps as he tried to keep quiet. The hand which rested on the table was balled in a tight fist; the other, resting on his knee, clutched at the fabric of his trousers.

Deidara, who had slowly straightened his posture as he listened to Sasori, looked from Sasori to Itachi, who was staring at his lap. A tear dripped off the end of Itachi’s nose. Deidara swung his head back to Sasori, feeling like something clawed and vile was gripping his heart. He could hardly breathe. Angry tears pricked at his eyes.

The final details of Sasori’s recollection had been uttered in stops and starts: Sasori had struggled to force the words past his lips. Deidara wanted to hold him so badly, stroke his head, tell him everything was going to be alright. But he was afraid of making it worse.

“There was more after that, but… that’s how it started,” Sasori said faintly. “I blame myself. I was addicted to him, to that feeling. I have a problem. I’m sick—”

“If you’re sick you can always get better,” Deidara interrupted. “It’s never too late to heal, mn.”

Itachi looked up but said nothing. He locked eyes with Sasori.

_I remember, Itachi-san_ , Sasori thought. _You said the same thing once._ He closed his eyes.

“Sasori-danna,” Itachi said after a moment. “I know that you know this, but I want to say it again: you saved me from him. You didn’t go through all of that and come out sick and twisted like he is. You survived. You learned. And you kept the part of yourself that matters.”

Sasori couldn’t stop the derisive laugh from spilling out his mouth. “I saved you by being a jealous idiot,” he said in a low voice.

“But—”

“I know. I learned. I was learning. I was so jealous of you, back then. You seemed… invincible. Immune to him, somehow.”

“Hah.” Itachi reached for his glass, thinking he would have to fight Deidara for it, and discovered that Deidara had fallen asleep.

「What…? He looked ready to go to war a moment ago!」 Itachi murmured, switching to Japanese without thinking. He downed his whisky and tipped a little bit more into the glass.

「Poor thing, it’s past his bedtime…」 Sasori smiled. 「He can sleep for about twelve hours in one go, if you let him. It’s amazing.」

Itachi smiled. 「I’m really happy for you,」 he said softly.

“‘It’s never too late to heal,’” Sasori replied. 「Let’s settle up with Temari.」

「I’ve already paid,」 Itachi said with a wave of his hand. 「Do you need help getting him back?」

「Let’s try waking him up first…」

But Deidara was out cold.

「Actually,」 Itachi said as they flopped Deidara out of the booth, 「This is pretty amazing. He’s sleeping like a baby.」

It didn’t quite work to throw his arms over their shoulders and drag his feet, so they ended up putting him on Itachi’s back.

「Let’s never tell him about this, shall we?」 Sasori muttered. 「He’ll hate you even more.」

Outside, the street was empty. From the city centre square, it would take about half an hour for them to walk back to Sasori’s apartment.

「I still don’t understand that,」 Itachi said. 「Did he say what I did?」

「Something about climbing, he said… The route with the overhang out near the Teeth?」

「Oh… right. His first trip with us. He’s so ridiculous.」

Sasori laughed and placed a hand on Deidara’s dangling arm.

「Yes, he is.」

*

When they realized they would have to pass Itachi’s place along the way, Sasori convinced Itachi to let him carry Deidara the rest of the way to his apartment. Although they nearly spilled Deidara onto the ground during the transfer, he didn’t wake. He was snoring softly in Sasori’s ear as he climbed the stairs.

“Dei? Deidara?” he called softly. “I need to get my key…”

“Mm?” Deidara came to as Sasori set him on his feet. He stood in the hallway sleepily rubbing his eye. “Eh, when…?”

“You fell asleep at Sunadokei,” Sasori explained.

“Did you carry me?” Deidara’s eye widened slowly. He yawned. “Mmm…”

The lock clicked open. Sasori entered without replying.

They both removed their shoes in silence. Deidara, balance compromised by sleepiness and alcohol, sat down on the floor.

Suddenly he looked up at Sasori.

“Sasori-danna,” he said in a whisper. “How did you try to kill yourself?”

Sasori closed his eyes; he felt monumentally tired. “That’s a story for another day, Deidara.”

But still, he sat down beside Deidara and rolled up his sleeves.

It dawned on Deidara right then that he’d never seen Sasori’s bare arms.

“Here,” Sasori said, showing him the two long scars, one on each arm.

Deidara shivered as he traced them with a finger. Sasori allowed it, didn’t shrink away. Deidara looked up into Sasori’s eyes: they were dry. He threw himself at Sasori’s torso, pressing his face into Sasori’s chest, wrapping his arms around Sasori and squeezing him tight.

“Sasori-danna, don’t you ever think you can leave me like that,” he said, voice muffled by Sasori’s chest. Tears soaked into Sasori’s shirt. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’m never leaving you. Ever, mn.”

Sasori wrapped his arms around Deidara and kissed the top of his head.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

He felt it then: the tiny tug of a heart beginning to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to apologise for the fact that the first smut in the series comes in like this 😞


End file.
